It's Hard to Sleep with the World on your Shoulders
by shellby white
Summary: One-shot. Set shortly after Kanan's capture in Season 1. Ezra needs help dealing with emotion and it's up to Hera to help him with them. Mostly angst and fluff.


**Season 1 – The night after Kanan was captured**

Hera let out a rattley breath, her ribcage aching from all the stress. The day before had been an eventful one, though hardly happy. She kept replaying Kanan's words, over and over, slowly rolling over her like dark waves, and it was drowning her into a depressive state.

She couldn't move and she didn't want to.

The kids had gone to bed hours ago, clearly worried for her. She'd told them she was fine, and had made her herself the biggest liar on Lothal. She was anything but fine.

She needed to go to bed. Last night, she had told herself that sleep would help her forget her loss, if only for a while. Instead, she had raided Kanan's closet, and gathered up a couple of his shirts to sleep with. This night would probably be no different. She headed down the hallway, her legs barely moving a slow shuffle.

As she passed Kanan's room, her heart sunk and she lost whatever composure had gotten her moving. She sunk down to her knees and sat there, trying to push back the tears that threatened to flood out of her tired eyes.

Then, as if on cue, she heard whimpering from inside the cabin. A small, pitiful noise that carried such great sadness that Hera was immediately on her feet, her hand already reaching to the keypad.

The door whooshed open. At first glance, the room appeared to be empty. But a squeaky sigh sounded out from the right corner of Kanan's bunk.

Hidden in the darkness was Ezra, squeezing Kanan's blankets to his chest and sobbing into them, trying so hard to be silent.

Hera went over and sat down on the opposite side of the bed, not knowing if he knew she was there. She had no idea how to comfort him, mostly because she couldn't even comfort herself. "Hey." Hera finally spoke up.

Ezra jumped, his bright blue eyes opened wide with surprise. He scrubbed at his cheeks with the blanket and let out a breath. "Oh, it's you." He curled up his legs to his chest and shivered, "I thought you were Kanan."

Hera watched him dig his fists more tightly into the sheets and shudder. He was no doubt he was replaying the night again and again as she was. She knew from watching him that it took a lot to get him riled up, his years on the streets had hardened him from showing even the deepest emotions. At times, he could come off as cold, but Hera knew that inside he had a kind heart.

Then she realized, Ezra had given up his whole way of living to be with Kanan. And now he was gone. He was suffering the emotional trauma of his parents capture all over again, except this time, he had Hera.

There, sitting in Kanan's bunk, Hera let her emotions win. Why should she pretend to be fine, when she clearly wasn't? Ezra needed to know that he wasn't the only one who felt lost without Kanan.

"Ezra." She said, despising the way her voice cracked, "Come here."

Ezra shrugged and obediently scooted up next to her. "What?"

Hera hugged him close, "I want you to know..." She paused to swallow does the thickness rising in her throat before choking out, "I want you to know that, I miss him too." She let a tear roll down her cheek, "And without him, I feel... lost. I want you to know you're not alone."

Ezra looked up into Hera's green eyes, now shining with the tears she'd held back for so long. He looked up and saw, not at the strong, capable captain that he knew, but as his mother-figure who had seen so much, and was still fighting.

He swallowed, "I... I..."

Hera put her hand on his shoulder, "Shhh..." She knew Ezra probably wasn't used to much physical contact, but she'd seen the way he always relaxed when Kanan touched him. As she rubbed his shoulder she felt him sink into her embrace, his arms slowly hugging her back, until he was sobbing, shaking with each intake of breath.

Hera's heart twisted, and she broke. The dam of tears flooded out, and she sunk her face into Ezra's hair, wishing again and again that he never had to go through this, and that Kanan hadn't ever been taken.

As Hera's storm of emotions calmed, she looked back at Ezra. His face looked peaceful, and she realized he'd fallen asleep, his arms still wrapped around her waist, and not looking anywhere close to letting go.

Hera sighed as she let the warm blanket of sleep wash over her, a feeling she hadn't thought she could afford a few minutes before.

She dreamt of her luv, of the way he smirked at her smugly, his sarcastic jokes and the small ways he always managed to say 'I love you'. And she was more determined than ever to get him back.

-SW


End file.
